i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
