Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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