took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
