It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
