Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize