we have officially lost it.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
