I didn't shave. On purpose
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Come see our sink grown plant.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I am one with the molecules
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
