At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
