He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize