Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
