my room smells like sperm. sweet.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
