wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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