i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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