My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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