uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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