You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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