Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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