I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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