She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
