Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
