wat bout pragnant strippers??
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
