Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
