yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We had sex on a dog bed..
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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