I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
