GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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