tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
