If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We smell like vodka and hangover
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