today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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