I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
