if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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