a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
