gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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