garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
