I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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