I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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