Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I want you more than these girls want KFC
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
