so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize