I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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