god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
