you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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