Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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