I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
