i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
