shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
