No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
