I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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