I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
