there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
