White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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