i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
