i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
