Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
