Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
