You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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