he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
