so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize