Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Panties = found
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
