sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize