we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
