So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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